Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
