and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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