Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
