she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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