I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
