I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize