we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
