Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
