the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
