I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
