i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
