My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
