There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
