remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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