and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
