Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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