Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
