i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
