remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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