I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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