can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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