We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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