Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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