so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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