It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
