we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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