i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
So much Jack, so little girl.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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