chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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