nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
