My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
