So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I need a beard to bite.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
