If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
