I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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