No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
