They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
