I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
