I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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