As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I think people are normalizing furries
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
