You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Life is so much better after having sex.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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