I have demons in me.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
