It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize