gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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