I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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