his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
