Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
