Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
