Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize