The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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