At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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