Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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