Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
