walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
