he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
