Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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