I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Randomize
