why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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