the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
