I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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