Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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