Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
