im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
