Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
