I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
