happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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