All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I touched a dick in church today
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
