things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
