And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I cockslap morals
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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