I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
