I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
tonight lets celebrate not being married
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
