i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
