There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
