its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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