finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
