yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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