it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
