Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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