I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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