It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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