Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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