Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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