Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You pole danced in your parka.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
