Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
