can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
