How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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