My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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