Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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