i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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