Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
