You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
