I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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