You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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