For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
