My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
