no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
