he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
