apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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