You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
