you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
