Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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