The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
