I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The adults are the big ones right?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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