I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
