Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
