Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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