I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
