Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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